Emotional intimacy in dating
Hi Leah, After coming off a long-term relationship (think nearly a decade) I need to stay single for a while and rediscover myself.
That said, good sex is something that I very much enjoy and am looking for.
(Note: here I mean consensual sex, as stopping non-consensual sex is a different topic.) So yeah, there’s a lot of tangling and disentangling, a lot of being unsure of how to mesh those fingers without either side getting stuck.
But there’s another tension I hear in your letter, and I’m wondering if you hear it, too, now that it’s been a little while since you wrote it. I think you are trying to be honest with your partners, but I also think part of the problem is that you’re not being entirely honest with yourself.
You want to be out there discovering who you are as a non-relationshipped person — which I totally encourage.
But you still want to be close to people, to be intimate and caring.
Thanks, Frustrated Hey Frustrated, A long time ago I had a voice coach who I saw once a week. He had a big wide grin and a gap between his front teeth and a voice that could hit notes I didn’t even know existed.
Also many people (especially heterosexual women) don’t know how to be selfish during sex, or are unsure how to communicate what they want and stop what they don’t enjoy.While I am looking for casual sex or friends with benefits right now, advertising this seems to degrade conversations to focus on just sex and I tend to be more attracted to personalities.So either I meet people who are just looking to get laid and the sex is mediocre because the emotional connection isn’t there or have a great connection and break hearts when I no longer want to hook up.I have also been in a wonderful relationship with an amazing woman in this time but I was struggling to find the space I needed for myself. I have tried to be as upfront with everyone as possible about where I am and what I am looking for, but I only seem to disappoint and hurt people.And despite how good everything else was, I needed the space to find myself more. Maybe I can stop caring so much about the people I meet and their feelings toward me, but everyone I have met so far has been wonderful and worthy of some respect.
Similarly, I bet you’ve met some strangers with good personalities and still had mediocre sex with them.